Ripped by Bornholm
"Your attention please."
"We have a special guest with us today,"
"a member of sevenall-statesquads..."
"in football, basketball and baseball,"
"the most popular student in his class,"
a" heck of an athlete and a hell of a guy,"
"you know him as number 28,"
"Brad Bender.
You dog.
Good morning, sunshine.
You made all-state.
I always make all-state. Now, hurry up and eat your food, or you´ll be late for school.
Your father and Shelly already left.
Lightly toasted, mom.
Lightly toasted.
This morning´s Sports Spot hotshot is the toast of Rockridge High,
Brad Bender,
who´s made yet another all-state squad...
and this time in swimming, sports fans.
There´s just no stopping this kid when it comes to racking up the records.
Boom, boom, pow.!
All-state in soccer, football, track.
All season long it´s been Bender, Bender, Bender.!
Yes, I tell you-
Well, we´re in an all-state mood today.
Well, they´re announcing the prom king today.
And you have a little feeling, you devil.
So tell me, your highness, who is gonna beyour queen?
- janet, Cindy, Laura, Sonya? - Hey, Bender. Where are you?
Or Becky,juliette. The possibilities are staggering.
Take Shirley Crater, ace.
Morning, Mrs. Bender. Oh, Bradley, really.
Here comes breakfast!
Shirley is a perfectly nice girl. Perfectly nice girl.
She´s a bow-wow. Let Cliff Coren take her. He likes animals.
- You got something for me? - Don´t I always?
Here´s the breakdown. The Rockridge prom kings from the last 10 years.
Letterman, letterman, quarterback, all-star, all-state, every year, every time.
Are there any student body presidents?
Would you stop worrying about Cliff? lt´s all set.
You get the crown, the throne, the robe, and he gets... Shirley.
- It´s 7:30. So what do you say, chief? You need a ride?
What, you on your scooter, Wylie?
Sure, why?
No thanks, sport. I think l´ll take the Camaro.
Well?
Hey, it´s taken.
Yeah? You big ape. Gimme a break!
Morning, Stan. You got ´em?
Here you go. Happy birthday. Here. Enjoy it, kids.
Thank you so much. Here you go. All right.
Here, enjoy it. Merry Christmas.
No extra charge for the autograph. Suitable for framing. How about that?
Oh, look. Good morning, girls. Next time it´ll be poster size.
- There´s Cliff. - No kidding.
Oh, thanks.
Oh, gee, sorry, Shirley,
but l-l promised that one to, uh- to this geek here.
- But I don´t want a newspaper. - Take this or die.
Oh.
Well, maybe when you get some more.
Bye.
"So if you must chew gum between classes,
swallow it before reentering."
"The corridor floors are snapping like flypaper."
"Now for the announcement you´ve all been waiting for:"
"This year´s king or queen of the senior prom."
"Last year the most popular girl chose her date,"
"so this year, the most popular boy will choose."
"This year we´re gonna try something different,"
"something more worth while than a popularity contest."
"To raise money for the library purchase program, we´re gonna have a lottery."
"And anyone who sells the most lottery tickets in the next 24 hours..."
"will be this year2´s Rockridge High king of the prom.
How many?
This ought to cover it.
Tonight´s meteor shower is the largest of its kind in this hemisphere...
for as long as we´ve been keeping records.
Think you´re hot stuff´cause you got an hour or two jump on me, huh, Bozo?
Look at me. Do I look bothered to you? Do I look disturbed?
- Seriously disturbed. - Yeah?
Well, I eat twerps like you for breakfast and spit out the pencils, okay?
Mr. Bender, what did I just say?
Uh, you asked us to take a shower tonight.
- Meteors. - Uh, you asked us to watch a meteor shower tonight.
No, Mr. Bender.
I told you to watch the meteor shower tonight.
We´ve been blessed with perfect weather. So it should be quite a show.
You´re dog meat, pal.
You´re sweating, buddy.
This table´s taken. Oh, hello, Stan.
This really is the best table. People like to put it down.
- But it is the nicest spot in the cafeteria. - It´s taken.
I know nobody´s supposed to sit here, but l´m sure Brad won´t mind.
I like your shirt.
Do you suppose I could just wait here until he comes?
We´d have lots to talk about. And I think it would make a positive statement.
You know, he´s popular and l´m- I´m intelligent.
And if intelligent people and popular people get together just once, I mean,
the symbolism alone would bejust-
Great.
And the more tickets you buy, the more it cinches...
an already foregone conclusion that...
you will be my choice for...
- prom queen. - Thanks.
- Francine, do you think it´s the glasses? - I don´t know.
Five tickets for Queen Debbie.
I like the sound of that. It sounds kind of... regal, don´t you think?
Is this better?
I don´t know.
Perfect. I´m a Sagittarius.
So prom night´s in the stars.
Can I put you down for 10 tickets?
I´ll take 10.
One at a time.
Selling tickets? A worm like you, Connor?
For Cliff. I´m selling ´em for Cliff.
You know what this means, don´t you?
No, not- The temple ofdoom!
- No!
Wylie, you´re special effects today, aren´t you?
No, Stan is. I´m sound. Stan.
Oh, come on, you guys.! l got P.E. next period.!
No, no. No, not the cauldron ofterror.!
- How does the agony of defeat taste, sport? - Kind of like licking an ashtray?
You haven´t won yet, Bender.
Listen, Cliffy, the only thing that can stop me now...
is an act of God.
"Brad? Brad, was that-Are you okay?"
"Brad, what´s going on there? Brad?"
"Hello? Brad?"
You pray regularly, don´t you, Cliff?
Tell Him He missed!
Five, three, four.
Three even.
I´m gonna recalibrate here. Go to range two.
- There´s a report of a second meteor. - l´ve got four.
Four, two. Four even.
Eight. We´re at eight. I can´t believe these levels.
Do you suppose we can get a few shots without you, Mr. Bender?
Okay. Yeah, sure.
Yeah, sure.
I love it. I love it.
This is incredible.
I mean practically everything in this room is magnetized.
l´m surprised you´re not.
These levels are the highest l´ve seen.
- Have they located the other one yet? - No, they´re still looking.
Personally, I have my doubts. The odds of two meteorites hitting on the same night are-
I know, I know. But the whole neighborhood saw it.
Hey, you guys. Ow.
You won´t believe what just-
It must be some massive internal electromagnetic charge.
I´d like to measure any electrical flux.
- Where do we insert it? - Right here.
Uh, that´s a hell of a big hole, isn´t it?
- Bradley, you come out of there. You´re gonna be late for school. - I´m not going.
Why not? l´m sick.
- He´s sick. - He´s sick?
- What do you mean you´re sick? - l´m not going to school, Wylie.
Why not?
I can´t tell you.
I don´t care what your reason is. You´ve gotta go to school.
- Now, move it, Bender. I´ll see you there. - I´m not going!
You´ve got to go or you forfeit.
I don´t care about being king of the prom.
Or you forfeit to Cliff.
Ouch.!
Not one word.
There. I won. I´m going home.
Not so fast, Bradley. I have to count the receipts first.
Go ahead and make it quick. I´m sick.
I´m going home as soon as you announce it.
The percentage of meteors that survive entry into the atmosphere is so small...
that the odds against it happening locally to some one in our class...
are astronomical, no pun intended.
So, Mr. Bender, l´d likeyou to write us a report...
on what happened at your house last night.
Mr. Bender?
Yeah, see you later at practice.
"Mondo bizarro."
Students, everyone.
Forgive me for interrupting. Has anyone seen Brad Bender?
Hey, some guys are looking for you man, scientists.
I know. I know.
You´ve seen him this morning? Yeah, in the hallway. Why?
Well, we located the other meteorite and, uh-
Have you noticed anything unusual?
Well, we´ll have to run some tests of course, but the amazing thing-
Wait a minute, l don´t understand it.
I´ve got him next period. You can talk to him yourself.
Fine, l´ll wait right here, if you don´t mind.
There he is.
We´d like to talk to you, Mr. Bender.
I´m not gonna be your guinea pig.
You jerk. Laura says that she´s gonna be your date for the prom.
Hey, Brad. We wanna talk toyou.
There you are. Jeannie says she´s gonna be prom queen.
"Your attention please. The lottery tickets have been counted."
"This year´s prom king is..."
"Brad Bender."
All right. All right.
So l´m magnetic. So what?
Big deal.
- So you like that, huh? - Yeah!
There´s no need to be alarmed, Mr. Bender.
As far as we´ve been able to ascertain,
-your magnetism is no threat to your health. - How the hell do you know?
Because the other meteor crashed into a house only a few blocks away from yours-
The other meteorite.
Oh, my God.
Brad Bender.
No!
No, please! l´ll be a good boy. I´ll abdicate to Cliff.
I´ll raise funds for charity. I´ll prevent forest fires.
I´ll save the whales. I´ll help Jerry´s Kids.
I´ll listen to Menudo records. Anything!
No!